Its been a while since I posted, Ive just been so busy with the new baby. Ive been on a mission to get John into a better school. Its a charter school, and has better programs, more qualified teachers, and more resources. I'm so angry, because I don't see it happening. There is a waiting list, a long one. Going through all of this brought out some feelings I forgot I had.
Today after receiving an email that basically said you are screwed, hop on the waiting list but it probably wont do you any good, I sat here, and i cried. I cried because my baby is autistic, I cried because I feel helpless, I cried because I am soooo mad at myself, I cried because my family makes me feel like I'm not good enough to raise a child with autism. I'm so MAD! I just want to scream loud enough for the whole world to hear me! I want to know why, why does my baby have to struggle every day! Why! Its just not fair. I know, I know it could be worse, I know some children have an even harder time....but it doesn't make me feel better right now. What can I do? I wanna know, what can I do? I will do it, I will do anything. I am hopeful, I am...but sometimes, I just cry....
I feel better now. I will post again later this week when I am in a better mood.
