A day at the park

              For mothers day I chose to do one of my favorite activities of all....to go hiking! Spring has finally sprung here in Northern MI, and getting outdoors was perfect. My kids are used to this kind of activity, its something we will do 100 times this summer! my only mistake was not starting small...and dragging them on a 2.8 mile hike for the first of the year...oops..lol. They all did well, and at the end John even said "pheew, that was a great walk in the woods."  since they all did so great, I decided a trip to the park should be next on our list, I knew they would all love that!

             Of course as we pulled in they all squealed with delight, and jumped out of the car as soon as we parked.  I always worry about John at the park. Since his behavior is always triggered by his mood..like most people,except different... I always hope his mood is still good. On a bad day, a kid laughing at him for say, falling down, can result in a full on meltdown. A good day, he will laugh right along..and run off to play. Thank God yesterday was a more than good day, it was wonderful!! He found a friend from his class (saying that always makes me smile,a friend) and they played TOGETHER the whole time!!! I'm watching John grow, and change so much...and I love every second of it.

Mad

Its been a while since I posted, Ive just been so busy with the new baby. Ive been on a mission to get John into a better school. Its a charter school, and has better programs, more qualified teachers, and more resources. I'm so angry, because I don't see it happening. There is a waiting list, a long one. Going through all of this brought out some feelings I forgot I had.
 Today after receiving an email that basically said you are screwed, hop on the waiting list but it probably wont do you any good, I sat here, and i cried. I cried because my baby is autistic, I cried because I feel helpless, I cried because I am soooo mad at myself, I cried because my family makes me feel like I'm not good enough to raise a child with autism. I'm so MAD! I just want to scream loud enough for the whole world to hear me! I want to know why, why does my baby have to struggle every day! Why! Its just not fair. I know, I know it could be worse, I know some children have an even harder time....but it doesn't make me feel better right now. What can I do? I wanna know, what can I do? I will do it, I will do anything. I am hopeful, I am...but sometimes, I just cry....
I feel better now. I will post again later this week when I am in a better mood.